I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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