Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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