It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize