bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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