it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
