I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
