I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
