He had one of those small greek statue penises
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
