I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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