take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
God I need to hump something, right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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