He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
