Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
