4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
