Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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