Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
