i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
