i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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