trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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