i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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