Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
