So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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