I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
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I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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