I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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