party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drake has all the answers
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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