Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
