I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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