I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
