non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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