Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
