I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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