I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
