nutella sex= disaster
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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