I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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