Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
