Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
