Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
