dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
