Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize