i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
