I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
