It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
