the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
