break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
