I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
