You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
