God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
