Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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