I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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