Kiss
Puke
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
