everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
