I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize