please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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