Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
