i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
