She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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