just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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