Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
