actually, I'm a sock model
she woke up with a sticky ear
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
