You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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