Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
