I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
its liver damage thursday
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