There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
