can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
