I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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