just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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