I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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