now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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