i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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