my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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