Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
